Session 1: Control Issues

For those who wish to follow along, I will be posting material (outlines/handouts) from our women's study group, as it comes. I am pulling material from a series called, "She's got issues", as well as various other sources. God is really working in our group and I am excited to share the information that He has provided. It is my prayer you find hope and healing in these sessions and that you grow with us in Christ as we continue our journey together!

Session 1: Control (Assessment)

Are You a Control Freak?

Think back over the last few weeks, and the answer each statements with a “T” for mostly true or an “F” for mostly false. You can probably think of some exception to either answer, so just go with your first instinct.

___ 1. I try not to plan too far ahead or get my hopes up because I can’t predict how things are going to turn out.

___ 2. I often think, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.

___ 3. I believe that if I work hard enough, the majority of the time I’ll get what I’m after.

___ 4. When I’ve figured out a certain way to do things, I like to tell people, because everyone appreciates a faster and more efficient way to get things done.

___ 5. Capable people who fail haven’t taken advantage of every opportunity.

___ 6. I often feel frustrated that life isn’t going my way.

___ 7. I often feel that what is going to happen will happen.

___ 8. People would say I tend to be stubborn.

___ 9. I prefer the driver’s seat (literally and figuratively).

___ 10. Others peoples messes bother me.

___ 11. Many unhappy things in people’s lives are out of their control.

This assessment offers you just one tool to help you evaluate your understanding of control. Consider your responses as you consider how you perceive control and what you can do about it.

Control and mastery is shaped by multiple other forces as well, including our personality; our environment, specifically our parents’ way of loving and disciplining; the dynamics with our siblings; our culture and personal convictions.

What Can Cause Control Issues?

Control is typically a reaction to the fear of losing control. People who struggle with the need to be in control often fear being at the mercy of others, and this fear may stem from traumatic events that left them feeling helpless and vulnerable. As a result, they many crave control in disproportionate and unhealthy ways. The experience of abuse or neglect, for example, can make people look for ways to regain control of their lives, and sometimes victims lash out at other people in their lives.

The need for control drives people to turn to the external world in order to find things they can control. They may be compelled to micromanage and orchestrate the actions and behaviors of others, or maintain rigid rules regarding routine, diet, or cleanliness and order. For instance, people who are physically or psychologically abusive inflict pain on loved ones in the form of ridicule, isolation, restrictions, or physical or sexual assault, because they themselves are in pain, though this pain is often deeply buried and unacknowledged.

** Childhood trauma, regardless of the severity, is a huge factor in how you view control. If you felt unsafe because you were violated physically, sexually, or emotionally, you are likely to not feel in control. Something happens to us at the deepest level when we lose that sense of mastery over our own space. God is able to restore us to a sense of our own mastery. (Rev. 21:5 – Make all things new)

Control issues may be related to:                                        

• Traumatic or abusive life experiences
• A lack of trust
• Anxiety  
• Fears of abandonment
• Low or damaged self-esteem 
• A person's beliefs, values, and faith
• Perfectionism and the fear of failure
• Emotional sensitivity and the fear of experiencing painful emotions

Symptoms and Types of Control Issues

There are a myriad of ways in which people might attempt to control their environment, themselves, or others. People exert power over others in intimate relationships, workplace settings, families, and other social groups.

Examples of exerting control over others:

• Micromanagement (Career - can’t turn off the ‘control’ switch when you get home)
• Keeping a person from seeing or talking to loved ones or friends
• “Gaslighting” - a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.
• Dishonesty
• Over-protective or helicopter parenting
• Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, bullying, or taunting

A.   ORIGIN OF CONTROL

Where did the desire for control originate?

1.     WIRED FOR CONTROL (Genesis 1:26)

Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

·      First sign of the trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).  Jesus was with the Father before the beginning of time and all things were made through Him (1 John 1-3).

·     Made in the likeness/image of God. What’s God like? God is omnipotent (all-powerful). He has supreme power and authority over all things (see list of attributes). He exercises dominion over the entire universe, carries out the purposes of His wisdom, governs the hearts of men, and even creates things out of nothing. The LORD says: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool” (Isaiah 66:1).

CHRIST REIGNING: This is the ultimate picture of control

Notice the earth under Christ’s feet? He truly is in complete authority & in control of all things. Revelations 4:8 says, “Day and night they say, “holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.”

·        Since we are created in His image, God has lovingly created us to reflect His character by giving us control/dominion over the animals.

2.    THE FALL

The book of Genesis is a book that explains why things are the way they are, and why we are the way we are. In the Genesis account, sin enters the scene not long after creation. God creates the world and it is all good; however, the serpent enters into God’s perfect creation as the temper to Eve, and sin is birthed.

Genesis 2:15-17 – Command: DO NOT EAT OF THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE

¹⁵ The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. ¹⁶ And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

God makes his command clear, then puts Adam to work, naming all the animals and caring for them. God notices Adam is lonely, so He creates Eve as a helper.

·        EVE’S TEMPATION

3 Now the serpent was craftier than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” ² The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” ⁴ “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” ⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom/knowledge, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 

Who does God command not to eat of the tree?

·        God commands “Adam” not to eat of the tree. Satan used this fact as leverage in deceiving Eve. She never directly heard God himself say “Do not eat of the tree”, rather Adam told her not to. This is why Satan easily places doubt in her head with his response, “Did He really say that?”  (I.e. People discount the bible as the authoritative word of God).

Who eats of the tree?

·       EVE! She overrode Adam’s command (from God), and denying his headship, she ate of the forbidden fruit. Sometimes taking the reins in order to have our own way doesn’t work out as planned!

What area in life does Satan place seeds of doubt in your mind, causing you to take matters into your own hands?

·  Satan tempts Eve with omnipotence – to have all control. “You will be like God, knowing good and evil.” He still tempts us today with the same thing; it just comes in different forms.

o   I.e. Horoscopes, tarot cards, fortune tellers (Lev. 20-6…        “I will set my face against anyone who turns to mediums and spiritists, I will cut them off”; Isaiah 8:19… “Should not a people inquire of their God?). God does not like when we try to take His job. Only He holds tomorrow in His hand.

o   Attraction is the desire to have ‘control’ over the future by being all-knowing, ‘like God’.

·        TOWER OF BABBLE – (Genesis 11:4)

o   Eve is not the only one in scripture who desired ‘to be like God’.

“Then they said, ‘Come, let us build a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves; otherwise we shall be scattered abroad upon the face of the earth.”

They hoped the tower would prevent them from being scattered and would help them reach God. When the LORD saw what they were doing, he decided to confuse their speech and scatter them across the land. Any time we act apart from God, he will scatter our plans every time… and it’s always a blessing.

The story falls under the same light as the garden story. This act by the people is an attempt to be equal with God. The best and worst of human nature is shown in this story. The technological advancements are high, but their motive (pride) is to make a name for themselves, which is not good. Control is also an issue in this story. The humans are trying to take control over their own lives. SIN OF PRIDE: says, “I CAN MANAGE MY LIFE ON MY OWN.”

The stories of Adam and Eve, and the tower, are ways in which humans are trying to be like God. This defines much of the sin problem today.

·        Modern Day Eve’s – God has already provided everything we need in life, yet Satan still tempts us with wrong thinking. Eve had everything at her fingertips, plus control of it, yet she wasn’t satisfied with what God had given her. She desired more.

A.   MOTIVATORS BEHIND CONTROL: Trust, fear, pride.

* The lie: is the belief system that we can control the outcome of a situation. Control is an illusion. There is only one who is complete control and that is Christ. He is sovereign over all things.

TRUST: At the root of every control issue is a lack of trust in God to take care of the problem. We think we know better than he does. When we lack trust, fear floods in and takes over.

In what ways has Satan tempted you to act based on fear?

*I.e. Christian persecution – Ruthless, barbaric executions. Enemy uses fear and intimidation to make us think God is not in control… or that we can’t trust Him. God permits everything.

*I.e. Relationships – Played Holy Spirit. I tried to slay the dragon of lust for him. Satan got me to doubt God was going to do the work necessary to change him. I wanted it done on my timetable. I had no trust in God to complete the work necessary.

*I.e. Driving Vs. Flying – Illusion that I have control.

·        

        Fear and pride are often the deeper motivators behind our control issues.

Prides says, “I can/will make my own way. The lie of your independence has left you lacking. You’re blessed when you’re the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and HIS rule. (Matthew 5:3, The Message)

·        Full surrender to God is the only way to the abundant/fufilled life Jesus spoke of. ”The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life & that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). – True peace – True fulfillment

** In John 10:10, Jesus contrasts himself to the thief and the wolf. They are both Satan. His goal is to steal your peace, joy, emotional energy, and time. He is doing everything he can to keep you from being 'effective' for the kingdom of God and enjoying this life that God provided for you. He’s trying to kill you physically, emotionally, and mentally. He is literally trying to annihilate you. He wants to destroy your witness and your influence that God has given to you for the Kingdom of God. Ultimately, he wants to destroy the effectiveness that you can have for the Kingdom of God. That’s what he’s trying to do. That’s the thief – but not the shepherd. The shepherd provides.

What situations and people do you need to surrender to God?

·       We are called to be imitators of Christ – Ephesians 5:1

·       Follow His example of complete surrender

JESUS CULTURE LYRICS

"Where You Go I Go"

Where You go I go
What You say I say
What You pray I pray
What You pray I pray [repeat]

Jesus only did what He saw You do
He would only say what he heard You speak
He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart, following Your spirit

How could I expect to walk without You
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You only are worthy, You are always good

**Everyone take a breath of air** Theoretically,

where did that breath of air come from?

Genesis 2:7
Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

We can’t even breath without God… What do we think we can accomplish on our own? Why do we try to even walk a second without him - controlling, planning, and managing our own life, like we breathed breath into ourselves?