Anger Assessment
1.
In the past
month, I’ve spoken or acted in anger in a way that I immediately regretted.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
2.
If I’m in a
situation where I feel I was wronged, I am most likely to go to someone other
than the person who offended me to vent my frustrations.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
3.
I sometimes use
sarcasm to make my point.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
4.
When I see people
or creation mistreated, I get angry and want to do something to make things
right.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
5.
I have taken my
anger out on an undeserving person.
___ mostly true ___mostly false
6.
In the past
month, I have screamed, hit something, or thrown something in anger.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
7.
When something
makes me angry, I tend to replay it in my mind repeatedly.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
8.
It’s hard for me
to express myself to a person who has made me angry.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
9.
I have taken
specific action to combat injustice in this world.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
10.
I have a cause
(e.g., slavery, orphans, famine) that I have educated myself about and
financially contribute to.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
11.
I’m more likely to bear a grudge than to have
an outright conflict with someone who has wronged me.
___ mostly
true ___mostly false
SESSION
5: ANGER
ANGER is a strong emotional
reaction of displeasure with the desire to DO something in response to these feelings.
It
is an advanced stage of frustration, that
uncontrolled by the power of God, can
lead to violent
outbursts and destructive conduct. It can
also lead to plans for revenge or punishment.
What causes anger?
There are various reasons anger can surface – Stress, being disrespected, feeling misunderstood, hearing
someone question
your character, feeling out of control, wanting something to go your way and it didn’t, frustration, being Self-focused due to physical or emotional pain, financial issues, abuse, relationship issues, injustices, feeling threatened, rejection, abandonment, disappointment, and overwhelming requirements on your time and energy.
Is anger sinful?
Not ALL anger is sinful, rather the WAY in which we channel it determines if it is
sinful. Anger is a God-given
emotion that has the power to ‘CHANGE’
lives (better/worse). It can either motivate us
to reflect the
“heart” of God, producing righteous fruit & edifying God’s kingdom; or it can reflect the “heart”
of Satan motivating us to execute our
own selfish will, while bearing
the fruit of bitterness and destruction.
TWO TYPES OF ANGER:
+ Righteous Anger
God expresses
this type of anger every day.
“God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with
the wicked every
day”
– Psalm 7:11
14 times
in the Old Testament, God himself is called “angry.”
Indignation: “Righteous anger” or “holy anger” is
always expressed due to ungodly people or
activities. It is motivated by injustice, oppression, or an unholy situation.
o
Every time Scripture
describes Jesus as being angry, it was for a real evil that kept
people from experiencing God’s
Kingdom.
o
Jesus got angry at
his disciples because they were blocking
children from getting close to him (Mark 10:13-14).
o
Jesus angrily rebuked
the Pharisees for their hypocrisy and unmerciful
interpretations
of God’s laws (Matt. 23:13-33; Mark 3:2-5).
His indignation at
their misuse of the temple led Him to turn over their tables and chase
them from His Father’s house (Matt. 21:13-14).
o
The Lord became
angry with the Israelites for marrying foreign women. He knew that
their wives would introduce the worship of pagan gods.
o
Nehemiah got angry after learning about the wealthy Israelites’ exploitation of the poor: "Then I was very angry when I
had heard … these words" (Nehemiah 5:6).
You and I can have righteous anger: When we become upset over the mistreatment of others
or when we feel compelled to rectify an
unholy situation; however, if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll
admit that most our anger has to do with ourselves. Our impatience. Our agenda.
Our control. Our idea of how things should
go.
The FRUIT of righteous anger is sweet and contributes to positive changes within our homes, our communities, and even in the world.
§
I.e. MADD
(Mothers Against
Drunk Driving) – A women lost
her 13 yr. old daughter to a drunk driver – banded together with other grieving
mothers to DO
something about the outrage of
drinking & driving.
o
She used her grief & anger to create a + positive
change.
Indignation creates words
and actions that can heal. It can lead to a ‘loving confrontation’ for the purposes
of building others up.
It leads to a
1 Corinthians 13
love. It’s passionate,
it perseveres, hopes,
and never fails. In the hands of the
Master, this righteous anger can be a force for love and for good in a world stained and broken by evil.
The
bible actually commands us
to have “holy
anger” in
Ephesians 4:25-26…
but it also warns us to SIN not.
I.e. (Angry at spouse at bedtime)
This is what it looks like when you let the sun go down on
your anger…
Don’t
give the devil
A
foothold!!
Unrighteous Anger
First documented
case of human anger is back in Genesis:
Genesis
4:5,
“But God didn’t approve
of Cain and his offering. So Cain became very angry and was disappointed...”
How did God respond?
6 Then the Lord asked Cain, “Why are you angry, and why do you look disappointed? 7 If you do
well, won’t you be accepted? But if you don’t do well, sin is lying outside
your door ready to attack. It wants to control you, but
you MUST master it.”
The LORD emphasizes the ‘WHY’ in Cain’s anger, not because He doesn’t know why Cain is angry, but I think He
was trying to make
a point to us, that it’s not the anger
that’s sinful, rather the motive behind it and the ‘WAY’
we channel it.
Why do WE get angry? Is
it for the injustices of others, or is it for our own self-interest?
Are we allowing anger to MASTER us?
In Cain’s case, his anger eventually
mastered him, leading to the murder of
his brother (Genesis 4:8).
Ø
Cain’s anger reflected an evil
and destructive behavior.
Ø
If not controlled, anger
can sometimes cause us to get even with someone.
God says in Romans 12:19, "Do not take revenge, my friends,
but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: `It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord."
Power of Anger:
We looked at how anger has the power to change lives in a positive way - Let’s look at an example of how
anger powerfully ‘CHANGED’ this
man’s life in a negative way.
I.e. Joseph
Stalin (Leader of the Soviet
Union before/after WWII) – Grew
up a peasant and lived in a one room apt.
with his family. All 3 siblings died to TB, he was the only survivor. His
father would come home in a drunken rage and viciously beat him. At the age of 7, he severely
wounded his left arm, leaving it limp, and shorter for the rest
of his life. His mother had hoped he would someday be an Orthodox priest, but
his anger steered him to a much darker destiny. It compelled him to never be
the victim again. Instead of loathing
violence, he embraced it… becoming
one the most ruthless,
mass murders of his time (next to Hitler).
Anger molded the man he would be, and like a drop in the water, it rippled throughout
history, affecting millions and millions of people (negatively).
Unrighteous anger
Generally
takes one of two forms
(Powder-keg/crockpot)
1. “Powder keg
anger”
Aka
RAGE: A powerful, explosive, uncontrolled expression of anger.
§ Anyone in its path, such as a spouse, is usually taken
by surprise.
§ If you answered mostly true to 1, 5, 6, on your assessment, you used
this as an outlet.
When anger is vented this way, it can be very
dangerous, destructive,
and hurtful. In some
cases, it may lead to verbal & physical abuse. We use our God-given emotion not to edify,
rather to destroy.
We use words that wound
and we physically lash out, usually
to those we love the most. When we vent
our anger in ungodly ways, we bear the fruit of bitterness.
The Bible says this “sudden
anger” is
to be controlled. The
writer of Proverbs connects anger with foolishness:
§
Proverbs 14:17 - "A quick-tempered man does foolish things."
§
Proverbs 12:16 - “Fools quickly show they are upset, but the wise ignore
insults".
If we have a short fuse, we’re going to do a lot
of foolish things.
Ø
I.e. BOOK - Mother throwing spices across the kitchen in a fit of rage because daughter put it
back in the wrong spot.
Ø
I.e. BOOK - Mother screaming in an outburst of anger at daughter because she lost something new.
Ø
I.e. BOOK – She kicked
the trash can so hard it dented the metal, which stands as a memorial to the damage that anger can wreak on a
household.
Will Rogers said,
"Whenever you
fly into a RAGE,
You seldom make a safe landing."
Effects
of Anger:
Proverbs 19:19 says, "A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty."
§ Health: Anger has lasting effects on our lives if we don't
deal with it properly.
The physical effects of
anger are both immediate and long-term.
o Like fear, anger triggers the same
physiological “fight
or flight” response, leading to a
plethora of health problems (if consistent). Doctors tell us that losing our temper consistently brings
about high blood pressure, dryness of mouth, & a fast-beating heart. It
could even bring pre-mature death.
o Depression can be chemical, but most often it's the result
of unresolved
conflict in a person's heart.
o
It's devastating
to the body to carry an unforgiving spirit.
§
Relationships: A hot temper could also mean loss of family & friends.
o
Unforgiveness divides people – friendships, churches, etc. Anger always
leaves a trail of hurt feelings & unhappiness behind you.
When we lose our cool,
we’ll say and do things that we end up regretting.
*POWER OF SPEECH - paper
exercise
Does anger control your tongue?
Luke 6:45, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.
For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
What flows out of you when you’re angry?
One reason anger is so deadly is because of the way
it controls our speech.
James 3:4 says, “Consider ships: Although they are very
large and driven by fierce winds, they are steered by a very small
rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a
small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set
ablaze by such a small
fire.” James reminds us that a small object, such
as the tongue, can have great force behind it.
Proerbs 18:21 says, “The tongue can bring death
or life; those who love to
talk will reap the consequences.”
Think of the power of words: The universe was created
with a word; Jesus healed and cast out demons with a word; rulers have risen and fallen by their words; Christians have worshiped
through words of song, confession, and preaching. Since the tongue is such
a powerful force-for good or evil-we are wise to ask: What would
homes, churches, schools, work-place, relationships look like if we used words
with Christian intentionality and love
Anger demonstrates the opposite
of love, and love
should be the defining
characteristic of a Christian. You can’t express love
and anger at the same time. Once
anger takes root, it chokes
out love.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8 tells us “Love is patient,
love is kind…”
It’s important to remain patient during trying times that we may not utter
hurtful words.
“Love is not easily angered… Love does
not insist
on its own way…” We should do our best to be
imitators of Christ - who is slow
to anger.
§ Num. 14:18, “The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion.”
Ephesians 4:30-32 exhorts us to “Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud
quarreling, cursing, and hatred. Be kind
to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ.
I found my
sticky note I made on “anger” from when
I was struggling with this emotion. I can now see how faithful God was to walk me
through it; helping me to grow in love. When we let go of pride
and ask for help, God can move in our hearts and make the necessary repairs.
These were some questions the Holy Spirit put on
my heart.
2.
“Crock pot
anger”- Aka Resentment: (Unexpressed
anger)
Resentment refers to the mental process of
repetitively replaying a feeling, and the events leading up to it, that anger us.
§ Simmers and boils
for a long time. You begin to think about all the bad things people do & say to you,
all the insults, all of the wrongs (real or imagined).
§ This anger is spiritually, emotionally, and physically
crippling, because we can’t grow/walk in love when we are stewing in anger.
§ If not deal with, resentment can soon grow into a bitter root.
I.e. Naomi: She’s one of God’s people. She
lives in the great nation of Israel. And a famine
hits; a great economic
crisis hits their land. And her husband is a foolish man, and he decides that he will
relocate his family. And a move is a big thing, in that day, when you’re
leaving God’s presence at the temple, and you’re leaving God’s people in Israel.
And he takes his wife and their
sons, and relocates to a pagan land. And there,
his sons
marry godless women, and he dies, and then his sons die, and this woman is left destitute, and absolutely alone. And she
has a devastated, difficult life. Her name, Naomi, meant
sweet. Her identity was daughter of God, and her life was
supposed to be sweet. But things become very dark and difficult for her,
and in Ruth 1:20, she makes this statement: “Do
not call me Naomi; call me Mara, because my life has become very bitter.” She changes her name, redefining her identity by her hurt, by her suffering,
by her loss. In asking others to call her Mara,
she was accepting bitterness as her identity, and the lens through which
she would interpret
everything that would happen for the rest of her life, because the
name Mara literally means “bitter.”
Are you a Mara? In your past, have you had a season of Mara? Are there
people that you’re in a relationship with who are Mara? Are
there seeds of discontent in your soul that will, eventually, cause you to be
in a season of Mara—bitterness?
First Corinthians 13 says, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” Bitter
people keep records of wrongs. They revisit,
and rethink, and recollect certain circumstances and situations.
Ø Forgiveness is the shovel that digs up the root of bitterness. Don’t just work on your hurt,
or your anger, or your temper.
Get to the root!
How many of you, you feel like, “I dealt with that… and
then it comes back… and it’s bigger and worse than ever?” You never pulled the root!
· Passive aggression: (sub-category of
crock-pot anger)
Occurs
when we're angry about something, but express our negative feelings in indirect or passive ways.
Passive – in the way we say nothing about the ‘actual problem’. And
aggressive
– in the way that we might do sneaky things against the person – like gossip, avoid them, or hold a grudge against them.
A Five-fold Test for Anger: (Ask yourself these questions to see if you are harboring unrighteous anger):
- Is my anger directed
toward another person? Try
to identify the individual.
- Is it without a
justifiable cause? If your anger is selfish, you need
to repent, forgive that person, and move on.
- Am I seeking
vengeance? If you have a desire to “get
even,” or harm the other person in some way for a misdeed, you are not
operating according to Scripture.
- Am I cherishing
anger? You might resist
surrendering your frustration to the Lord. Maybe on some level, you want to
be upset. Unless you release it to God, however, you will be unable to
experience the freedom He longs to give you.
- Do I have an unforgiving
spirit? Perhaps you feel that you simply
can’t lay down your anger. But with the Lord’s help, I’m confident you
can.
How do we overcome these emotions?
Deal
with anger quickly! We must confess our problem to God &
ask for His help. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is gentleness
and self-control. God will help us to exercise
control over our emotions when we ask for help.
Anger is a
choice. No matter what, we must
own up and take responsibility for our actions. Things will happen and
people will act and speak in ways that bring on anger, that will tempt us to
act in anger, but the choice to respond to it is ours.
o
Recalling
a situation in which YOU made the same mistake helps you become less
angry, more understanding (Proverbs 18:2).
Forgive, just as Christ forgave us.
His mercies are new for us every day. We need to emulate His goodness. We
didn’t deserve salvation, but by God’s grace and mercy, He forgave and saved
us. While suffering a horrible death on the cross, Jesus prayed,
“Father, forgive
them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Let’s follow His example and graciously
forgive anyone who offends us. That way, you and I will be free to enjoy the abundant
life God has planned for us.
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