Today my heart is heavy with so many things. To start - I have been reading a book about insecurities. An insidious enemy to both men and women. While we don't like to admit we have them, if we are honest with ourselves, we will realize most of us do! From the perfectionist and overachiever - to the slacker and underachiever, both have insecurities - even though it may appear otherwise. They just compensate for them differently.
This book had some great insight. For instance, it talked about how women use men as a mirror to confirm their self-worth. I pictured snow white saying, "Mirror, mirror on the wall." She wanted her mirror to validate how beautiful she was. We do this all the time when we fish for comments from our significant other. You know you do! We are constantly searching our environment for some type of approval. Some even go as far as searching for their identity in partners or others in their job or success. I've learned our identity is in Christ and in Christ alone. Lecrae has a good song that goes something like this...
For the Men:
"Hair check, shoes check, brand new fit looking cool check, looking in the mirror like "Ooooh yes!" Cover for an insecure dude 'check.' She won't feel me and they won't like me if I ain't in them J's or them brand new Nikes. But lets dig deeper inside my psyche. When it's all said and done - even I don't like me. He live in the gym, and his hair stay faded. Late model car so they think he made it. But he's Christian; he gave his life, but he still ain't satisfied in the Savior Christ. Still finds his identity in looks and cars... if he only knew that he ain't have to look so hard. If he looked in God, though it may seem odd, he'd be so satisfied he could leave it all."
For the Women:
"Got her hair done, toes and nails... is that Her? Well, it's hard to tell cause she's caked up in so much make-up. It's like she's tryna 'make up' for what she ain't, but she's a saint... but so confused cause she's been rejected by all these dudes that tell her on a scale of 10 she's a two - but that ain't true. If she only knew In Christ she is loved - she's secure and accepted. She'll never be rejected by God who's elected her. Her beauty is her Godliness. And she ain't gotta try to flaunt it cause it's obvious."Sound like you, anyone? I know I've been there. God has taught me so much about this. Isn't it crazy how we let the world creep into the cracks and tell us we have to look a certain way or act a certain way to be 'accepted' or to be beautiful? The world tells us, "Oh just one more degree, a little less weight, a newer car, a bigger house, a couple more friends, this name-brand, that outfit, a few more church activities, etc. The list goes on. How very sad! They have missed the BOAT! Jesus is the prize guys - Jesus.
While reading this book, something the author said stuck out to me like a sore thumb. I read the following, deliberated on it, prayed about it, then I slammed the book in anger. Follow with me:
How can you write a book on insecurity and tell women that it's okay to be yourself and feel desirable with the way God has designed you when you appear not to be okay with your natural self? How can you tell a woman that you feel so sad that she has to dress up to feel attractive when you are dressing up putting on a costume of make-up. I feel very upset about this because I see this everywhere. Preachers teach God's word but appear so worldly. I prayed about it hard, and I checked my heart to make sure I wasn't being judgmental - but I cannot take a person seriously when they tell me it's okay to be myself when they obviously do not feel okay about themselves. Why the need for all the falseness? Is she caving into society's standards of what an author should look like? Am I the only one that sees this as a concern? I have to ask myself, is this woman really free from insecurity? This may seem very trivial to you, but I see this every day in my circle of friends and in the world. People are constantly seeking approval from the world. Something is very wrong.
Another thing that bothers me about authors is when they plaster pictures of themselves all over their books. I can't help but think about Psalm 115:1 that a very dear friend shared with me a few years back. It IS NOT about US! While this book contains such helpful information and great insight, God tells us in Job 12:13 - "To God belong WISDOM and POWER. COUNSEL and UNDERSTANDING are HIS"! We are just a vessel guys, the insight, and counsel we offer others is not ours, but God's. Not solely speaking of authors here - but how dare we 'ever' take credit for His work in any task. We are just PVC pipes that carry blessings to others who need deliverance and guidance. I feel so very strongly about this. And hear me out - I am not perfect. I have struggled with perfectionism, with taking the glory and credit for many things, when I shouldn't have. But God has taught me this so that I can teach others. It isn't EVER right to exalt yourself, your spiritual gifts, or your works! Remember, it's the motive behind the deed that makes it great in God's eyes. If your motive is to display your greatness, your works become worthless in God's eyes. Only He is great, guys. We are just blessed that He loves and cares for us. That He even trusts us at all to use us.
As for insecurities and finding our identity - the chorus in Lecrae's song sums it up:
"I flashed back to another recent communication with a magazine-cover-beautiful thirty-year-old woman who mentioned- almost in passing-that she has to dress up in costumes in order for her husband to want to make love to her. I'm not knocking her pink-feathered heels, but I wonder if she is paying too much for them. I'm just sad that she can't feel desirable as herself."Notice the last sentence highlighted? There's a reason for that. Here we have a woman who obviously has a heart for people with insecurities (God bless her). But as I slammed the cover of the book, I saw her picture blown up on the front page. I studied it intently. As I gazed at her eyes, I saw a set of fake eyelashes. I saw pearly white teeth (veneers?). A head full of highlights and an airbrushed face. Either this woman is unknowingly dealing with vanity issues or she is not being completely honest with herself and is still in bondage to insecurities. I pray I am wrong.
How can you write a book on insecurity and tell women that it's okay to be yourself and feel desirable with the way God has designed you when you appear not to be okay with your natural self? How can you tell a woman that you feel so sad that she has to dress up to feel attractive when you are dressing up putting on a costume of make-up. I feel very upset about this because I see this everywhere. Preachers teach God's word but appear so worldly. I prayed about it hard, and I checked my heart to make sure I wasn't being judgmental - but I cannot take a person seriously when they tell me it's okay to be myself when they obviously do not feel okay about themselves. Why the need for all the falseness? Is she caving into society's standards of what an author should look like? Am I the only one that sees this as a concern? I have to ask myself, is this woman really free from insecurity? This may seem very trivial to you, but I see this every day in my circle of friends and in the world. People are constantly seeking approval from the world. Something is very wrong.
Another thing that bothers me about authors is when they plaster pictures of themselves all over their books. I can't help but think about Psalm 115:1 that a very dear friend shared with me a few years back. It IS NOT about US! While this book contains such helpful information and great insight, God tells us in Job 12:13 - "To God belong WISDOM and POWER. COUNSEL and UNDERSTANDING are HIS"! We are just a vessel guys, the insight, and counsel we offer others is not ours, but God's. Not solely speaking of authors here - but how dare we 'ever' take credit for His work in any task. We are just PVC pipes that carry blessings to others who need deliverance and guidance. I feel so very strongly about this. And hear me out - I am not perfect. I have struggled with perfectionism, with taking the glory and credit for many things, when I shouldn't have. But God has taught me this so that I can teach others. It isn't EVER right to exalt yourself, your spiritual gifts, or your works! Remember, it's the motive behind the deed that makes it great in God's eyes. If your motive is to display your greatness, your works become worthless in God's eyes. Only He is great, guys. We are just blessed that He loves and cares for us. That He even trusts us at all to use us.
As for insecurities and finding our identity - the chorus in Lecrae's song sums it up:
"I'm not the shoes I wear; I'm not the clothes I buy. I'm am not the house I live in, I'm not the car I drive. I'm not the job I work, You can't define my worth. By nothing on God's green earth, my identity is found in Christ".Well, I got a lot of my chest. I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone... or hurtful. But I pray it's truthful and glorifies God. I had in it my heart for so long... now you know.
Lecrae-Identity Ft. Da T.R.U.T.H and J.R with Lyrics
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